Teary and Touching Monday

Bewafa , bewafa , bewafa nikli hai tu , jhota pyar , jhota pyar kita hai tu... This songs from Imran Khan can't stop playing in my head since few days ago. I heard this songs from my pep-sister , Banu inside her car. The lyrics are so meaningful after I translate it from google translate. The whole thing that Imran going through in this video are the same thing as Mido is going through while he's with me. I cheated behind his back many times till there were several times that he actually doesn't want to see me ever again. Now that me and him are back together , I'm trying with my heart and soul to stop all the lies and change my attitude. I don't want to lose him ever again. Days without him are really torturing , I really love him so much , I noted that what I have done aren't what the true love did but because of the immature , rebellious and also a young girl that doesn't consider the consequences as a biggest shit that will cause all of this to happen . Now that I have realized what I have done are totally bad and lead me to lose all of my besties , I'm working hard to change my attitude and trying a 360 degree change on myself.

My brother John Ng , called me last night . He hadn't called me for such a long while , the out of the blue phone calls really freaks me out. I admit that I'm scared of my brother because our relationship aren't like me and the other siblings. My brother are always shouting and screaming at me, some-times he even threaten to kill me. I got myself traumatized because of the threatening words before . My brother aren't like the other of my friend's brother , He is some sort of Malaysian Gangster that are dealing with drugs , he owns several clubs in Damansara. Mama doesn't know about my brother's job because he lied to mama that he is a Manager in this Engineering company. My brother , he graduate from University of Cambridge in Engineering , he is 32 years old. There were the times that I'm wondering that why my brother are involve in this kinda of things. He is always spying on me because I'm the youngest in the family , I swear I tried so hard to understand and get along with my brother but it seems to go even worse. Whenever he sees me , he just can't stop yelling at me and some-times he shout at me with the "F" words. It hurts a-lot because my own brother are doing this to me, we have never had a sister-brother talk before. Whenever my friends told me about their family , about their brother , I'm jealous and some-times I cried all alone. Why can't my brother just treat me a little nicer and why is he so harsh on me ? Mama are always using my weak point that I'm afraid of my brother to force me to do something according to her will. When does this going to end ? I love my brother , but I have never felt a brother's love before. I've always remember my brother in my prayers , I always prayed that our relationship will get better and I always hoped that he will open his heart to me.

Right after my brother called , Auntie Catherine and Mama called. They all called to asked me when am I heading back to Malacca. They are kind of disappointed because I promised them I will be back home last week but I didn't turn up because I was with Mido. Mama asked me one questioned , why do I love this guy so much till I choose to be with him instead of coming back home. I told mama that I have been a very bad girl and I hurt this guy so much until he don't trust me no more. The reason why I'm there with him instead of coming back home because I putting a last bet that I will change and make him love me again. He always wants the best of me but I've always letting him down , but this time , this ain't going to happen again . I will change and be a women that he is going to proud of and mama are going to be proud of. My mama smile in tears and said that I began to grown up , she says she love me and she will always love me till the end of time. I cried right after mama says this , I can't wait to see mama this coming weekend , want to give her a big hug and a big kiss.

Last night was kind of messed up, Mido came in the middle of the night to bring me food because I was freaking hungry since the morning. We both were chatting, watching FRIENDS series together . Then , he told me to applied this muscular pain relieve cream of his back. His muscles are causing pain since he came back from fut-sal the other day. Right after the application , he tend to be such romantic today. I really felt the Mido that I first met came alive again , we kissed and ....... so on :D :D .......
But the whole thing was ruin because I can't give the * things* that he want , he start to show me his angry and disappointed face. Without an apology , he really drives me insane. I was crying like hell , I went to talk to him but instead of talking to me , he said he is watching that freaking series and he want me to forget about it. Is really hard to sleep without him hugging me but I managed to sleep. He misses his class this morning :( he went to get MC from a clinic right after I made a cup of nes-cafe for him. I told him that I'm sorry about last night , he grabbed my hand and said it weren't my fault so let's just forget about it. Now that , he left the house , I'm starting to miss him. hurrrrmmmmmm and hungry at the same time. I'm going to cook something to eat right now , and finally I really wish and prayed that this relationship does going smoothly and may all the problems fly far away from us till 29-9-2011 because it's our 2 years anniversary , Amen ~