Rihanna - What's My Name? ft. Drake

What a FRIDAY freak :D

Still can't believe what just happen in Jeddah. Many family have pass away due to this big flood that attack Saudi Arabia. Many all of you people pray for them and may this tragedy end as soon as possible. I have been kept at home by Mido for almost 2 weeks :D ... It's fun and amazing being by his side all this week but when it comes to HUNGRY , I really hate it :D. I'll be lock inside the house without him left me the keys or card of this apartment. I miss my family though , they have been calling me to come home but I'm afraid of picking up their calls. I know that all they wanted is to talk to me and know that I'm safe but I;m just afraid that they gonna pass the phone to my brother and he will pissed me off in the phone. I don't want another fight with my brother. Chinese New year is coming soon, all I wanted is to having a peaceful day out with my family.

Wondering what's is going to be like this New Year..Wanted to go somewhere nice but my family would probably want me to spent time with them in these New Year. That's too bad because I wanted to go to vacation with the guys. I heard that they are planning to go to some amazing island. I wanna tag along because I remember the last time I went to Penang with Mido and the others it didn't end up to be as romantic as I was thinking. Because we both we arguing bout me getting jealous.. HAHAHAHHA .. It sound kind of stupid. But at the end of the trip, it was awesome.. I was in the jet-ski with Mido. HAHAHAHHAHA... nice one though. Wish I have the picture to show you guys but I ain't got any of them.

Ali and Yaya and also Fatoot came to the house today. Finally, I'm not alone !! I like this one, I like Ali when he came to this house, he with the crazy jokes and crazy moods is always funny and making everyone laugh :D...The weather is kind of sunny and all of sudden Fatoot wanted to go to the CIMB by his foot. I asked him if I can come along but he refused. I just wanted to breathe the fresh air outside but is ok, we are still going out tonight , ain't we? I wish I can drive so I can drove him to the CIMB. Helping people ain't that bad though, didn't it ?

I began to miss the smell of my mother's cooking. There are so many things I want to eat. I'm talking as if I'm a hungry ghost, dying for something delicious :D :D...Whatever it is, I wanna eat as much as I can tonight, maybe cuddle be a little romantic to ask if Mido want to drinks some alcohol :D... Never drink for such a long time. It's a good thing that I've stop drinking, I wanna quit smoking too. Wondering what have Mido done with his ELECTRIC CIGARETTE. If he ain't using it , Let me have them :D :D..

I just wished that this is our happy ending because the days without fighting is better and fun than the days with fighting. Now that I'm trying to change from worse to better, I hoped no one would ever ruin this happiness we both have. Haters , please go as far as you can. Just leave me and my boyfriend alone. If you don't like me, you deal with me, don't get to my boyfriend. You have problem with me , you come to me. Leave him alone and leave me alone!! Thanks GOD for all these good days and I hope that everybody would be like these. And also blessed my family and friends. Pray for those in Jeddah may those who died , may their souls rest in peace. Ameen!!

Laura Pausini-It's not goodbye

Sunny and Cold Thursday

The song that I've just posted, I heard for the first time last night with Mido. Can't believe that he likes this kind of song, It's slow and romantic. I love it ever since he showed me for the first time. These whole week starting from the last week is the best week of my life. Having him back in my life again is something I can't describe and getting a chance to spend the most beautiful week with him is the most sweetest day ever. But admitting the fact that I will be going back to Malacca real soon and being far away from him again is kind of painful but there is nothing I can do because studies and families comes first. Now that he knows I'm trying my best to be a good girl and stop lying, he is happy and he isn't afraid to defense me anymore.

I have so many planned for vacation since my classes starts on march 7. Wanna go to island for some sun bathing with bikinis and Indonesia , Bali island and also Thailand ,Phuket island. Heard that all of these places are awesome and nice. Have never been there before and I really wanna go there to know what is it like over there. Can't wait really for this coming CHINESE NEW YEAR. It's gonna be awesome and we are going to have a house party. yaaaaaaaaaaaay!!! Can't wait to get all of the ang-pows and eat all of the cookies again. How nice is it be back home with the families and friends. I have meet some new friends that are going to the same university as I am. Can't wait to meet them all when I go back to Malacca.

Now that he went to college for his classes , I'm bored again at home. Wonder what am I going to do to wait until 5pm ? ? Other than face-booking and listening to music.. I really don't know what else I can do :D Wanna have some nes-cafe now.. Will catch you later :)

TUESDAY SICKNESS !!

I'm in a dancing mood , hahhahaha.... I haven't been to a club for such a long time. The last time I went to club was with Mido xD..hahhaha ... I played all of the songs that the DJ played in the club, dressing like a hip-hop dancer , I'm gonna shake my ass off real soon. Mido woke me up around 12 in the afternoon while I was sleeping so tight, he need to do something for him. I thought he want me to open the door for him or something, Instead of me dreaming that he is out at the door , he told me that he wanted to sleep and he is freaking tired, so he need my help to send the report to his lecturer and wake him up at 2pm. I did my part and I continued my beauty sleep until almost 7pm. hahhahahaha...what a lazy ass I am :)

He is coming to the house today, can't wait any longer.. I really missed him so much !! Did he miss me as much as I did ? He is so much busy , I bet he only miss me a little bit. I'm hungry as hell , I remember that he told me one thing before he hang off the phone in the afternoon that Adnan is coming to Kajang . But why he isn't here yet ? Adnan is no where to be found !! Which Kajang will he be ? I wanted tonight to be a special night for me and Mido, I wanna surprise him with something. But what can I do ? There is nothing much I can do because I ain't got no keys to go out and get something and I can't even clean the house properly because I need the key to throw all of the rubbish outside. It's kind of boring being locked like this in a big house where you're all alone. I really want to go out and eat today, I'm tired of indo-mie or so called instant noodles. I want something where is fresh and delicious and acceptable for my stomach. I have been going in and out of the bathroom since last night. Stomach is killing me.

What time is he coming here actually? Do I really have to wait till midnight ? There won't be any restaurant open in the midnight other than fast food and indian restaurant that are 24 hours. How is his exams , quiz and interview ? I hope everything went well. I'm getting hungry and sleepy out of a sudden. Wanna take a nap for a little while before he came over.. too tired though !!

My Guardian Angel.

I spend my the several golden hours talking to this person. The best person I have ever met and want nothing in return but true , honest and sincere friendship. I know that if I said I have someone as my best friend and we are like brother and sister, I bet Mido will start doubting me again. I don't think one day is enough for me to talk about this person. I don't have any true friend around me, even-though I have but they will just stab me from behind . Some of them might as well just want pleasure other than being my true friend. But this person I tell you, is different from anyone I have meet, if he isn't , I won't be talking about him in this blogg of mine. This person I'm talking about is MOE GOZALI. I met this guy through HEMA and we became close with each other after HEMA went back to Saudi for vacation. Throughout my entire life, there are no one that knew what I'm thinking and what is kept inside my brain. No one have ever taught me right from wrong other than my family. No one have ever help me or even be there when I'm sad , down or when I'm admitted to the hospital. No one know what kind of medication I needed and No one knows nothing, a single shit about me, other than my family and Mido. Even-though Mido he knows everything about me but he can't be there all the time for me. Mido got his own responsibilities to take care of and he can't be there for me 24/7. As a friend , MOE , he really did his part. He advised me in a-lot of situation. Sometimes if I just hide something from him, he knew it and without me confess to him, he can tell me what I did last night or maybe the day before it. He remember every single little thing in me and we have a-lot of thing in common. I have never felt a father's love before and I don't know what does it feels like to have a father beside you and you know.... the kind of talk like a father-daughter. MOE he completely replaced everything that I have missed in my life. He became my father, mother , sister, brother. He advised me in a-lot of situation. When I was in a fight with Mido, I almost suicide. Moe, he was so angry and he have a hard talk with me. Without me told him why Mido fought with me , he told me what exactly happen between me and him. He got a solution for each and every problem I'm facing. I have a LOW-BLOOD PRESSURE. I can't cry or think too much or pressure myself, because I can get exhausted and fatal. The LOW-BLOOD PRESSURE attacks once a while but if I had too many pressure in a week or so, it will attack me twice a day. MOE knows exactly what my problem is and he is trying to help me to changed, he even advised me to stop cheating behind Mido's back and be a good girl. I swear , if Mido ever get a change to just sit down have a talk to this guy. He will know that actually this guy's a great guy. Now that Moe have went back to Sudan for holiday, I have only Banu as my true friend. No one else. Moe have taught me a-lot of important lesson and I swear , no one can ever be like him because you can't hide anything from him. Even if you did , he will know because he once told me. If he starts being closed with someone, he will know everything that he/she did.

I was just wondering.. Have Mido ever read this blogg before ? If he did , what did he feel when he read this blogg ? Or maybe any of you have read this blogg , what do you actually feel ? Do you feel what I feel or this blogg is bored and lame ? I have been completely honest in this blogg because I only got this blogg to let go all of my emotion , secrets , sadness and happiness. Without this blogg, I don't think I can even survive till now. Writing is my passion, writing is the only way to express what I feel deep down and writing makes me feels better each time when I went through something huge and painful. I'm glad that I can get everything out of my chest today, seriously, maybe some of you should try this. Let go everything that you have kept inside your heart for a long time and you will feel better and relieved.

Everybody is in their dreamland , but I found myself sleep-less. So I'm going to stay awake and maybe I will sleep in the afternoon when I'm bored of this lap-top. I should watch some series and get some some sleep. I will continue with you later ..

Wish there's a time machine !!

Can't believed that I'm crying for this Chinese drama. It's a drama series mostly about the life with the emperor, the empress, the mistress , the kids , love and everything. It's really a touching drama. Only GOD knows how much I'm craving for a taste of cigarette !!! If only Fatoot didn't took the house key with him and left it with me , I swear I will go to the mini-market and get myself a cigarette. But unfortunately, he took the keys with so I just have to wait till tomorrow night when Mido came along.

He got a big test tomorrow, hopefully he can did his best. I know that this mid-term is freaking important to him to upgraded his CGPA. Everything is going to be alright, I know he can manage it tomorrow. I just ate like 2 indo-mie and I'm still hungry, I don't want junk food, I need some human food ! Gosh , I'm so hungry.. So muchhh !!! Wish the keys can fly, if the keys can fly , I bet it already reach here by now :D . The house is drop dead silent and nothing to do @ all. I'm getting bored just sitting in front of the lap-top. I swear next time if I ever get here, I will let Mido left the key for me. So @ least I can either go get some food , swimming or get some DVD's from the stall.

What can I do now ? I don't feel sleepy @ all. I can as well stay up till the morning but the thing is that what can I do to stay awake ? Nothing interesting in the lap-top. I have already watched all of the DVD's. All I ever wanted is a cigarette pack in front of me and some food, I mean a-lot of food. That's all I ask for. But it ain't gonna come true. Gotta wait till tomorrow then grhhhhhhh.. time , can u move a lil faster ?

It's Monday .....Boring !!

Last night was kind of scary because I really heard a-lot of noises coming from the hall. I was inside the room trying to sleep but unfortunately I couldn't because I really do heard something. I text-ed Mido and told him that I'm scared, I never thought that he would either reply the messages or call me because it's almost 6 in the morning. So I covered myself with the blanket and slept under the blanket. Within a few minutes, Mido called and hahaha I've got butterflies in my stomach. He really called me, we talked on the phone for some-time and he asked me whether am I inside the room , he told me to bring the lap-top inside the room and he will still be on the line accompany me. I went out of the room and brought the lap-top inside the room. Was kind of creepy actually. Right after I brought the lap-top inside the room, he told me to, just think of as if he is beside me, hugging me tightly and try to get some sleep. I asked him him why didn't he sleep yet. He said he was trying to sleep since 3am but he couldn't. These few weeks, we both slept mostly when the morning comes, we didn't have enough sleep. So I told him to get some sleep and rest because he got a long day tomorrow and I don't want him to fall sick.

After he hang off the phone and I close my eyes and sleep right away. I just can't believe that I just woke up now and I still feel sleepy. I sort of wasted the whole day sleeping and doing nothing. I had a missed-call from Auntie Catherine. I'll call her later-on , not now. My hubby called and want me to re-assign the assignment because there are a little mistakes there. I will do it in a while and send it to his e-mail. I guess I ain't going to do anything after I finish the assignments, I'm going back to sleep. I don't feel hungry but I'm craving for a CIGARETTE so badly. Why did I finished the whole pack of the cigarette last night ? And why didn't I told Mido to get me one ? Dammmn , now I've got to controlled myself till tomorrow when he comes to me after his exams :( ... I really had no idea what can I actually do right now.. go back to sleep or get a shower or watch movies. I really don't know. But I do feel freaking sleepy. hahahhahah I'm so blurr...

Suckie Sunday !!

It's Sunday and I didn't tend to even thought that I have a blogg to write on. I'm too happy these whole week that I've got a chance to spend it with someone I adore and someone I love. I woke up every morning with a smile on my face knowing that he would ever leave me again. Mido went back to the University this evening because he wants to watch this football match between Uniten and some other University I guess. Other than that, he needs to completely focus on his studies because he got a mid-term , a quiz and an interview coming through. I will be completely alone from tonight until Tuesday. Even Fatoot went to University as well. The house is empty without the laughter, the jokes and the craziness. But is alright, because I don't want to be his distraction, patience is a virtue. Auntie Catherine called me again today. As usual asking me why I ain't going back to Malacca yet. I told her I will coming back to Malacca this coming weekend, I ain't fronting but I will go because I miss mommy a-lot. I called her like 5 minutes ago.

I wasn't in the mood like several hours ago. I log on to face-book. Saw this post on my wall from Mido's EX !! She got pissed from the application that I posted on her wall. It's not a big deal or a big issues that she had to make an havoc about it. It's an application called "Interview Me". The application questioned me, "If I ever gonna have a date with Nor Dianne , would I say yes ? " I answer "maybe" and publish to her wall. Out of a sudden, she posted on my wall and threw her anger towards me. Who the hell she think she is talking to? Well, she think she can talk to me like that ? Nahhhh , I do not play this game, you wanna get rude then take this from me. I inbox her and ask her what the hell is wrong her and screw her up. Within a minute, she replied, she is even rude then the wall post she send me!! That's really a bitchy move though!! I'm the kind of person, if you don't mess with me , I won't do you any harm . But if you did something out of the limit, that's it!! I was laughing real hard when Mido called me and asked me what have I done to her. hahahah, I ain't do no shit , she started it first. He want me to delete her, without even he told me to do so, I've already did. How dare you fucking bitch called my boyfriend and complain about all this nonsense ? Do you think he got time for all this bullshits ? Bitch , he ain't a kid ! If you can't fucking take it , go fuck yourself and bang your head to the wall. Is just an application, everyone can take this god damn thing as a jokes, and you can't fucking take it ? It's not my business anyways !!

I finished the whole cigarette, I swear this bitch is really killing me. But why would I let it bother me? Was it because he still called Mido? Or was it because Mido told me that he met Nor Dianne during New Year's Eve and she want him back ? What does she wants from me ? Can anyone just tell me did I do something wrong to her ? I didn't do no shit man !! Because of a god damn application and all these things come through. Shit !! this is just not my day !! All of these seriously makes me doubt that, does Mido come back to me because he love me or because of something else....... Shit!! no please !! Imma let this thought go far away from me , man I trust him, he isn't this kind of guy. He is really a nice guy with a pleasant attitude and personality. Mido, he will never do something like this. Never !!

I guess this year ain't going to be as smooth as I thought it would be. But the thing that I know the most is, I'm trying with my heart and soul and my biggest strength to change from the worse to the better. I can't afford to lose him and my family again. And I can't afford to lose my best friend again. There have been walking through this journey with me and I don't want to let them down and disappoint them again. Now that, I've got what I wanted and what I've dreamed of all this time, I should really thank GOD for it. Chances come only once, Once it flees away, it never gonna come back. Grab the chances and do the best to prove it all. Words prove nothing but action and attitude says it all.

Imran Khan :)

this singer , Imran Khan are seriously driving me insane to the max !! the reason why I like this singer weren't because of his body figure or anything but the song BEWAFA , it really had lots and lots of meaning and goshhhh , I went totally crazy until , without listening to his song , I felt like something are missing !! I hope u guys like it , this are one of his song :)

My Valentine's Wishes

Some-times people play HARD TO GET to make sure that the other person's feelings are REAL .

I've learned too many times that if I keep my hopes and expectations high..........it will just lead to disappointments.........

Anyways , in a couple of days I will be leaving for Malacca.....which means I finally got to breathe the college air !!! I can only imagine , what is it going to be like over there :D :D ... many of the sweet , funny and adventure are coming through this year !!!

I had a superb and sweetest night yesterday . I've finally got to see the sweet smile on his face , the sad face day before yesterday really hurts me a-lot. If I could only had one wish , I wish that I could see his sweet smile on his face and I want to see a happy and lively Mido. We were joking and some-times it gets me wonder , was it my stupid jokes makes him laugh or was it because its really funny :D :D ?? hahahahah , I can't believe that I'm smiling all alone here writing these blogg..... I have never had butterflies in my stomach for such a long time , now that is here , I really feels that I'm the most luckiest girl on earth .

Ohhhhh yeahhhh , Valentine's Day is coming soon !! I want my Valentine this year to be "surprisingly" gift me either one of these couple rings from my babe boo........

These rings are just one of a kind , I used to have one from my babe boo 1 year ago but I've lost it when I went for a swim at my friend's apartment. Since then , I've asked him many times to get me a new one but till now he didn't get me one yet . The one I've lost it , are couple rings , under the both of the ring , it's carved our names . Ever since I lost my ring , he barely wear his ring anymore. It's just so sad , I really missed those ring on my finger.

I really prayed that this Valentine , Mido would surprise me with either of these rings under a candle-lit dinner with a rose. I really prayed that it would happen , but the thing is that does he know what is Valentine ? Does he know what couples or husband and wife around the globe did on this day ? He had never celebrate his birthday or any other celebration other that AIDILFITRI and EID day .

Well , I don't wanna sound like ..... hurmmm .... i don't know , materialistics .... ?!!! We both haven't gone on a date for quite some-time. I really want to go on a date with him again , to catch up what we left off . Valentine's my only chance to make him really forget about the betrayal and all the fights . I got the feeling that he still all of the past in his mind . It's really hard to understand him thoroughly , his brain are like a maze and I'm really trying with my heart and soul to understand and fulfill his every needs.

BUHAHAHAHHA , I really can't wait for Valentine !!! I wanna see it coming but I don't wanna watch it go away :D :D .... Oooooppppsss , I almost forgot that I have his assignment to complete , I should have get it started but I'm still here writing my blogg . We both have a deal , if I complete his assignment , he is going to surprise me !! I better go now , he is coming tonight after he finish studies for mid-term.

Gotta go for now , will story story you later after I finish the assignments okay ??? Bye - bye ... muahhhh !!

Teary and Touching Monday

Bewafa , bewafa , bewafa nikli hai tu , jhota pyar , jhota pyar kita hai tu... This songs from Imran Khan can't stop playing in my head since few days ago. I heard this songs from my pep-sister , Banu inside her car. The lyrics are so meaningful after I translate it from google translate. The whole thing that Imran going through in this video are the same thing as Mido is going through while he's with me. I cheated behind his back many times till there were several times that he actually doesn't want to see me ever again. Now that me and him are back together , I'm trying with my heart and soul to stop all the lies and change my attitude. I don't want to lose him ever again. Days without him are really torturing , I really love him so much , I noted that what I have done aren't what the true love did but because of the immature , rebellious and also a young girl that doesn't consider the consequences as a biggest shit that will cause all of this to happen . Now that I have realized what I have done are totally bad and lead me to lose all of my besties , I'm working hard to change my attitude and trying a 360 degree change on myself.

My brother John Ng , called me last night . He hadn't called me for such a long while , the out of the blue phone calls really freaks me out. I admit that I'm scared of my brother because our relationship aren't like me and the other siblings. My brother are always shouting and screaming at me, some-times he even threaten to kill me. I got myself traumatized because of the threatening words before . My brother aren't like the other of my friend's brother , He is some sort of Malaysian Gangster that are dealing with drugs , he owns several clubs in Damansara. Mama doesn't know about my brother's job because he lied to mama that he is a Manager in this Engineering company. My brother , he graduate from University of Cambridge in Engineering , he is 32 years old. There were the times that I'm wondering that why my brother are involve in this kinda of things. He is always spying on me because I'm the youngest in the family , I swear I tried so hard to understand and get along with my brother but it seems to go even worse. Whenever he sees me , he just can't stop yelling at me and some-times he shout at me with the "F" words. It hurts a-lot because my own brother are doing this to me, we have never had a sister-brother talk before. Whenever my friends told me about their family , about their brother , I'm jealous and some-times I cried all alone. Why can't my brother just treat me a little nicer and why is he so harsh on me ? Mama are always using my weak point that I'm afraid of my brother to force me to do something according to her will. When does this going to end ? I love my brother , but I have never felt a brother's love before. I've always remember my brother in my prayers , I always prayed that our relationship will get better and I always hoped that he will open his heart to me.

Right after my brother called , Auntie Catherine and Mama called. They all called to asked me when am I heading back to Malacca. They are kind of disappointed because I promised them I will be back home last week but I didn't turn up because I was with Mido. Mama asked me one questioned , why do I love this guy so much till I choose to be with him instead of coming back home. I told mama that I have been a very bad girl and I hurt this guy so much until he don't trust me no more. The reason why I'm there with him instead of coming back home because I putting a last bet that I will change and make him love me again. He always wants the best of me but I've always letting him down , but this time , this ain't going to happen again . I will change and be a women that he is going to proud of and mama are going to be proud of. My mama smile in tears and said that I began to grown up , she says she love me and she will always love me till the end of time. I cried right after mama says this , I can't wait to see mama this coming weekend , want to give her a big hug and a big kiss.

Last night was kind of messed up, Mido came in the middle of the night to bring me food because I was freaking hungry since the morning. We both were chatting, watching FRIENDS series together . Then , he told me to applied this muscular pain relieve cream of his back. His muscles are causing pain since he came back from fut-sal the other day. Right after the application , he tend to be such romantic today. I really felt the Mido that I first met came alive again , we kissed and ....... so on :D :D .......
But the whole thing was ruin because I can't give the * things* that he want , he start to show me his angry and disappointed face. Without an apology , he really drives me insane. I was crying like hell , I went to talk to him but instead of talking to me , he said he is watching that freaking series and he want me to forget about it. Is really hard to sleep without him hugging me but I managed to sleep. He misses his class this morning :( he went to get MC from a clinic right after I made a cup of nes-cafe for him. I told him that I'm sorry about last night , he grabbed my hand and said it weren't my fault so let's just forget about it. Now that , he left the house , I'm starting to miss him. hurrrrmmmmmm and hungry at the same time. I'm going to cook something to eat right now , and finally I really wish and prayed that this relationship does going smoothly and may all the problems fly far away from us till 29-9-2011 because it's our 2 years anniversary , Amen ~

Punjab2000.com - Bewafa Imran Khan (Official Full Length HD Video)

Sunday Sunny :)

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face, it's really a brand new day with a fresh start. I threw everything out of my chest last night when I came back from Pavillion with Barnawi , Naju and Mido. My mood just went away without a trace just for a tiny little incident, he ain't walking with me hand in hand as we used to do before. The whole hanging out thingy was cold as ice. I miss the old days where we both were laughing , madly in love and doing all the crazy things.

The moment I stepped my foot inside the room, I had a hard talk with him. But he was so cool as ice and asking me something about Seeka. I told him the truth between me and him and even told him what I talked about to Seeka and all the other stuff. Instead of questioning me more, he grabbed his phone and called Seeka. He put him on loud-speaker and wanted me to remain silent. They both were speaking in arabic language but I understand the whole thing without Mido translate it to me. I really do understand, I can't believe what I've just heard and OMG . I really didn't know Seeka is this kinda guy. Before, I seriously thought that he was a nice guy, but after last night , ohh na na na na , he is micheal jackson bad, son of a bitch !! hhahahahaha , thank GOD that he ain't know that I was beside Mido when Mido called him last night, i finally see his true color. Imagine , if he knew I was there with Mido , I don't think he is going to say all of this shit !!

I was supposed to go back to Auntie Catherine's house today but I didn't went because I woke up very late and was cleaning the house. I will go back this coming Tuesday , I really need to prepared an acceptable explanation why I ain't coming back today. Mido went to futsal at Bangi , and I was left alone at home with Abdulfatah. I was cleaning the whole of the house and the kitchen plus bathroom. Now that the house clean and spotless, wonder what is going to happen next when the big , sweaty boy come back from futsal :D :D .. College is starting soon and have to get ready for studying , assignments, exams and GPA's !! I'm really glad that my auntie finally agreed me for all this college things. I really love my family and lucky that GOD gave me a wonderful family. Thanks to GOD that he finally open up my eyes to see all of the people around me and glad that now i have no disturbance.

As I said before , people talked , you can't just go around them and tell them to shut their mouth. You want them to stop talking, you look at yourself , change yourself into a better person lead a successful life then people will stop talking about. They will come begging you to be their friends instead of talking shit about you. These people , they are just a bunch of useless haters and they've got nothing benefits to do instead of ruining people's happiness. So let them be, you do your things and people will leave you alone.

Hurmmmmm... I'm getting hungry as hell now.. Didn't eat nothing since the moment I wake up. The McDonald's delivery are here.. Let me eat my dinner , lunch , breakfast and we will talk about something else. Bye bye !

NEW ME !!

la la la .... I'm back here again.... hahhaha .. it's been the most happiest day I ever had in my life. I finally realized what are the most important thing in life , relationship , sister-hood and family. I had a fight with Mido like weeks ago and he called me and said something he had never said to me before. Something real bad and the most hurtful words a girl can ever get from a guy. But thanks to that words , I finally woke up from that fairy tale dreamed. Our relationships went sucked because of the talking that people around can't shut their mouth and also the LIES that comes from me.

One thing is that , people talk! You can't just go everywhere and tell people to shut their mouth. The most important thing is YOU , yourself, what can you do to make them shut their mouth. Before you change the people around you, you look at yourself in the mirror and change yourself . Realize your own mistakes and your true personality when your among the others. Love can't be force once you cast a hurt on that person, you need to give them space and time for their heart to heal and re-unite. I live for a few days , I mean like weeks without a phone because my sim-card are giving problem. I need to get a new sim-card, but I don't seems to do so. It's really peaceful without hearing a phone ringing, and a text messages come through.

I just need or perhaps GROW UP. My so called besties aren't my real besties anyways, they stabbed me from behind, the only person that are really there for me all the time , is my pep-sister, BANU !! She helped me ever since the day I'm down till I almost suicide !! She brighten up my life with love, cares and support. I have learned a-lot of useful lesson these days. I have never feel so free before, have never feel so relieve before. It seems like I have re-born again, hahahha ... The name JOEY or BELLA really shows me what real life are even-though it gives myself a bad reputation. But still thanks to this names that shows what exactly the real world are out there. The safer place where I can found is my family's arm and my sister's arm.

The only person I can really trust is MYSELF. Not banu , not Mido, not anyone else but me !! I have to re-look this world with another eye, have to learn how to be strong and mature in thinking. Because when life knocks you down, you can choose whether or not to get back up. You just have to learn how to grab the golden opportunities that lies in front of you, once the chances flee away, there will never be a second chances. Finally on the Monday , I can get my feet into the college door at MULTIMEDIA COLLEGE , MALACCA. About Mido , we both need some-time to just chill and relax. He needs some-time to think and me, I need some-time to figure out our love. We are still cool and we are still see-ing each other.

Let's just threw all the past aside, open a new life book and start a new life with new adventures and new romance. What is past , is past. What are really important is the presence and the future. Grab the past as a life lesson and never repeat the same mistakes again. I want to start with a fresh , and clean BELLA . A new BELLA that everyone are proud of and people that used to talk about me can shut their mouth !! Dear Lord, lighten up my path and guide me all through this journey. I ask this through Christ our Lord , Amen!!

Crazie Bella !

Arggghhh !!! I'm so disturb...my feelings are upside down !! Scare and worry at the same time.. Seriously, ever since I clean the house and the moment that I sit down at the couch and relax; My heart are beating like the speed of light and worry at the same time...Awwwwww... what am I suppose to do ?

What's going to happen today? Ohh please, hopefully there won't be another fight between me and Mido. I swear I'm so scare, and on the other hand, I'm scare because I promised my auntie Catherine that I will go back to Damansara on the Wednesday but I did not. Mommy and Daddy, Chloe and James and my sister Siew Lee came all the way from Australia for a vacation. Ohh Godness , why did I break the promise and I bet they called me a lot of times but I just don't seems to find the guts to answer their calls. What Am I suppose to do ?? Ohhhhh !!! Arrrghhhhhh !!!

Stupid bella , dumb dumb bella !!! Arghhhhh , can't you just be a little more mature and grow up?? You are 20 and you are no longer consider a kid !! A girl like you should know what are RESPONSIBILITIES AND PROMISES suppose to mean !! Argggghhhh !!! I'm hungry at the same time, I ate a lot since last night , 2 bowls of coco-crunch , double instant noodles , 2 cups of cokes , half of the coffee and 1 redbull. hahahha I drank more than I ate :D :D ... haiiiyooooorrrr * chinese accent * this is crazyyy !!! feeling , feeling , go away !! Maybe nothing is going to happen, I think too much that's why !! Stop thinking bella !! By the way , dear bloggers , do you ever believe in fairy tale ? I mean the lovey-dovey love story like the princess and the prince charming thingy ? Ever since I'm a kid, I've dreamed of a perfect relationship and a perfect guy that fits these criteria : romantique , understanding , charming , and cute guy would appeared in my life. But I have never go through all these kind of love before, but I went through the other way. Even though there are many bitter sweet but it makes me realize a lot of things. Realationship or friendship will not last any longer if either of us not being completely honest with each other , trust , faith and hope !! Being in a relationship doesn't mean that you have to ditched your best friend nor your family. Family shall always be the first priority and then the friendship. Open your eyes widely and choose your friend wisely. Friend that are there when your having good or bad times , friends that hide no secrets between each other, friends that are always right by your side to support and want nothing back in return shall be consider as true friend and this you can call them FRIEND.

I can't do this anymore, whatever happens between me and Mido, I have to be brave and strong to walk through this journey, I can't let anyone around me down and filled with disappointment again!! Just can't and I know that deep down I have the gut to do it, just that is always that I'm a coward myself that's the reason why all the thing that are planned didn't go the way I want. I have to move forward, mommy are getting old, I don't want them to leave this earth with a disappointment. I want them to be proud to have a daughter like me!! I shouldn't have let them down !! yaaay !! will be leaving to college soon !! like real soon !! Can't wait !!

haiyooooooorr * chinese accent * enough !!! why can't this feeling go away !! you stupid dumb dumb nervous feeling !! go away nooow!!! Arghhhhh !! I'm getting crazzzy noooow !!! arrrrgggghhhh !!! mommy what should I do ??

Dumb or Excellent ?

Sighhh....back to this blogg again after sometime without an internet...nothing much happens these days, just some randoms things going on.. but yet there something that I wanna share in this blogg.

Am I making a huge mistakes? Does this feels right? I don't really know..I'm really confused of all the decisions I have made. It just makes me feels like I have letting everyone around so down and filled with disappointment ! Seeka Adam happens to be one of Mido's friend. He added me on face-book recently during new year's eve and we both have quite a pleasant chat. He seems to be a nice guy but I barely know him, he asked me to go to Port Dickson with him on the new year's eve but I rejected him because I was having some crisis with Mido and I just don't feels like going anywhere. Right after Mido get rid of me and sent me back to Banu's place, everything seems to fall apart. I have to start my life all over again and I just have to stop thinking about Mido and move on.

But the thing is that I just don't know why I'm so obsessed with him and I can't let him go. I text him and even call him, unfortunately he did not pick up my calls nor reply me. So I decided to let it go and stop calling him, I went out with Seeka instead.We both went for movie at Times Square and then we both went for shi-sha after the movie. We both had a lot of conversation but mostly about Mido. He asked me what happened between me and him, I mean like I told myself that I had to stop the lies and start a new life again. So I decided to be honest with him, who knows maybe we can be best friend. He told me about himself and we both shared pretty much things in common. He seems like a good guy unlike barnawi and the other told me. He isn't what they think he is.

Things went quite well till all of a sudden he got this funky feeling for me. I mean like we both just met and I don't know it just feels right. I can't denied the feeling I've got for Mido even though he told me that he doesn't want me anymore. I'd still love him but the thing is that he made me feels like we are over already. I don't think I can share the others because I don't think is necessary.

Last night, Mido called me if I could help him on his assignments and he wanted to meet me. So I said ok and I went to him. He picked me up from The Mines shopping mall and then we both went to Kajang. To my surprise, his action makes me feels like he wanted me back. He kissed me and we talked about the recent messages that I send him and he decided to forgive me and give me another chance. Oh my Gosh !! I can't believe this. I'd still love him and to be honest , I really can't forget about him. I need him so much in my life but the thing is that what about Seeka? I don't want to hurt him so I decided to tell Mido the truth. Surprisingly, he isn't mad at me and he was glad that I told him. But to Seeka, I have to be honest with him too because I really don't want to hurt another guy or as well spoiled the relationship between him and Mido. So I text Seeka and I sent him a message on facebook to explain the truth and I just hoped and prayed that he could understand.

At least, I make a honest move and clear the status because the thing is that, I still love Mido. No matter how hard I tried to put myself with the other guy but no one can compare to the touch and the kisses and also the memories we both shared. We both been through a lot of hardship in this relationship and maybe no one can ever understand what I feel for this guy and what are the obsession.

I just prayed that from now on, nothing will come between our path. Maybe to my family and friends, this decision I made could as well be the huge mistakes ever but this is what I choose. I have to be strong for all of the consequences after this and no more being childish but a mature girl for the preparation of college. It's gonna happen real soon because I shall enter to either Stamford College or Multimedia University Malacca.

Is that US ?

I thought that things are going to be alright and I thought that there are a possible way to ever get that hot romance again but seems like there is nothing I can do to change your mind because you said you need some time to think about it.. That's when I feels like my whole world are falling apart .

There might seems like there will always be a sunshine through my window, as they always said , when you wake up in the morning things are gonna change but it just don't. Struggling myself to sleep last night. Feeling awkward, I have never sleep in the corner like that before, even though I had but you will always hug me in the middle of the night. I felt so alone, what else can I do to get that warm hug from you again ?

We went to Alamanda last night with barnawi and naju. Were suppose to watch movie but there are no movies available, all the movies are full. We went to pizza hut to have our dinner. It was all ok , we laugh , we jokes around. Till the time we finish our dinner, we all decided to went back home and watch movies. We did , WHITE CHICKS . funniest movies ever. Looking at ali and yaya , barnawi and naju are so closed together , you are near but yet you are far from me. I controlled myself not to cry, even though is sad but I know that is all my fault that all of these things happens to us.

After the movies, naju was so much sleepy that he have to send them both send back home. After sending them off, he came back. bringing a paper flower, didn't know where did he get it from, but my hearts are glowing..couldn't utter a words. I just can't take it anymore that I just brought him inside the room and said what I wanted to say something and explain whatever that I wanted to say for a long time since I came here.

I'm going back to my sister's place today. What is going to happen to us? I barely know. I just have to be patience and wait for your answer. Goshh this whole feeling, I really hate it. It's so much hurtful. but there is nothing I can do , I only have myself to blame.