I found myself hard to sleep these days. Why there so much of un-ending story between me and MIDO ? Why I can't get him out of my brain, my heart and my vision? He deleted me from facebook but why do I even care ? Why does my heart beats like the speed of light whenever he comment on the other girl's wall or send the other or as well edit those girl's some pictures ?
Being so closed with him tonight but can't even hug him or kiss him or even tell him how much I miss him and need him once again in my life. He barely look at me in the eyes, we barely even talk and now that he is sleeping and I'm wondering alone here in front of the laptop writing this blogg. I was just wondering if I made a mistakes by coming to Kajang to meet him. I remember that I told my mother that I want to go to college so badly and they agreed finally but in one condition, "AM I READY TO SACRIFICES " ??
Gosh..!! I hate this feeling, feeling of broken heart and pain in my heart where words can't describe how much it hurts. There are many people out there that want to date me out and want me even to be their other half but I see nothing on them. MIDO are the only one that filled my eyes and my heart. Gosh..! Now that I don't know what is going to happen when he is awake, he told me that we will discuss about " US " ..
Maybe there is no more us and maybe , maybe .... arghhhh I really don't know... Why do I come here in the first place? knowing that nothing I can do and knowing that I can't turn back time to the day before we fight. Why ? Having a cigarette on my hands and controlling myself not to cry while writing this blogg, I felt like piece of shit .. A useless me !! GOD , I need a sign! please , I'm begging u !! I have nothing left on me, I'm a mess , a huge mess where I have lost every single thing around me , FRENS , LOVE , HOPE , TRUST , CONFIDENCE AND PRIDE. I've got nothing left in me !! DAMMNNN... nobody ever knows what it feels like to be JOEY ANABELLE GONZALEZ !! I might always have a smile on my face , being a crazy friends but deep down , my heart is torn into a zillion pieces , I swear I'm freaking regret of what I have done with my life. Wishing that I could turn back time where I was born or maybe where I was a teenagers. But this just ain't going to happen.
When will I ever be happy and have a new life again ? When will the angel ever appeared again and protect me from all these hurts ? I don't think there might be an angel for someone like me. Guess that right now, the only friend that I have got left is this blogg. This blogg truly understands me and is the laptop that kept my secrets. Someone might thought that what is wrong with girl? she is always coming up with the new stories. But the fact is that , being JOEY ANABELLE GONZALEZ is the worse and suckest thing I ever had in my life and I began to hate myself. If I ever write a book , I guess the story of my life will be an un-ending story because the pain, the love and the adventure I have been through are uncountable and words can't describe.
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