hurmmm,, few days without an internet is really torturing! But finally found one here so I'm just gonna tell you what I have been doing whole day and what happen the whole day.
I was struggling to sleep last night. I always told my friend that I will forget about MIDO, but it's not as easy as I thought it could be. All the memories just flashes by and I found myself hard to closed my eyes and sleep last night. Only GOD knows how much I missed this guy but what else I can do? He doesn't want to see my face ever again and there is nothing else I can do, even there is but it might sound stupid. I woke up kinda late today and was cleaning the house and watching movies. Suddenly, a crazy idea came across my mind, called MIDO and asked him if I can see him for the last time tomorrow - 31 december. To my surprise, instead of the ringtone that I've always heard, I found his voice on the line , I almost cried but I controlled myself. I asked him if I can meet him tomorrow, he said why don't I just come right now, straight away, because he will be busy tomorrow and he can't see me after that.
So I've decided to go for the last time , just to talked to him and see how things going and if it don't work out like what it used to be then I vowed to leave him alone and totally forget about him! The moment I reached Kajang , my hand is cold as ice, I had butterflies all over my stomach and the moment he is next to me, my lips is sealed and I'm speechless as in no words came out of my mouth. We both sat down inside the room and he just looked at me and asked me what do I want to talked about. I looked at him and before I could open my mouth he asked me why did I do all of that, I was about to answer the question but he said just forget about it and he is tired of asking the same question all the time. I almost cried, but I controlled myself and I asked him if there are any possible way that we can get back together again. He answered me I don't know. Gosh, my heart broke into a thousand pieces and is pain like a thousand knifes strikes to my heart ! He gave me his back , I looked at his back , GOD knows how badly I want to hug him and tell him I need him again but I can't.
I did not stay any longer , I went to balcony and I can't help it anymore. I started to cry and GOSHHHHH !! I didn't even find any guts to tell him that I've got accepted to VICTORIA UNIVERSITY and will be leaving on february for the february intake ! He still thought that I'm lying to him but I'm not anymore , but is okie ,, guess that this time , he just don't want me anymore and he just don't need me anymore. Watching the others having fun with their loves one and cuddling, I'm just all alone. I'm trying to be as strong as I can but I'm not strong enough as anyone thought I am .
Oh GOD , please help me. I know that the one that are gonna read this blogg might be mad or maybe draw a distance from me but i just want you know that to forget someone you loved, it takes time and I just crazy about him. It's hard for me to let it go but time will proved everything. Now that my life is a messed , all of this make me afraid of losing again. I have lost all hope , trust and maybe I won't be able to feel love again because the hurt and the torn in my heart takes time to heal. Besides I have lost all of my pride and I need sometime to find it again. The only person I have left is just GOD and my family. I have lost all of my friend and the other half of me are all gone.
If MIDO ever read this blogg , i guess he will know what it feels to write this blogg of mine. I found myself sometimes crying and laughing whenever I described how my life are in this blogg. The whole thing here are all the truth and things that I have been through. Just so you know that, I have enough of losing, I can't beared another loss. I will be torn apart. Please GOD , help me on this. tell me what I should do and please do make me stronger to walk through this journey of yours. I really don't want to mess up my life again. Please GOD, give me a sign , tell me what I should do !!
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