my brain is FUCKED UP !!

My brain is so freaking messed up. I can't handle this anymore, same shit every single day and it's just driving me crazy. I'm trying to fixed my relationships with this friend of mine. But seemed like I failed to do so, not failed actually, but I just gave up. I'm dead trying, I don't think its going to work out. I just can't take this shit anymore, same old routine every single day. The moment I woke up, the house is fulled of hatred, faces and all sort of bullshits. I can't handle this anymore, a day or two is okie but it's freaking throughout the whole week or maybe its been month already. I been blamed for causing problems, what did I do? I mean like I do know I did something awful but I'm trying to fixed the problem here, but the friend of mine just don't seems to co-operate with me.

Just a few days left and I will be leaving the house to a new apartment I guess. I just want to walk out through the door, I don't want to stay in house of pain. I need some peace of mind, somewhere I know who am I , somewhere I belong to, somewhere I can make some new plan for my future. I have so many dreams that I want to complete, so many things I wanted to do. But I just can't find anything in this house. I'm sick and tired of it already.

Only GOD knows how much it hurts deep down. Watching someone that used to be so closed with you selling himself shortly. Sometimes I'm stupid, sometimes I'm a baby, I do have a small brain, I prefer someone walk to me and tell me what have I done wrong. Straight forward is what best for me. I just hate when someone just have to turn a whole big round and tell me things. Plus, if you want to know who I really am and want to get closed to me, open up your heart and come clean and then I will do my part.

The more I talked about it, the more it hurts me inside. Enough of talking, I just don't care anymore! One thing for sure, I want to go away from all this! The moment I walked out this door is the moment where I won't turn back!