P.S I Love You

Having the song that I've just posted on replay. This song gives me goosebumps whenever I just close my eyes and let the song flow inside of me. I have been thinking about you throughout the day. Was wondering if you are going to come home tonight. The thought of you might be coming back and might not be coming home makes me weak. I wouldn't mind if you want to ignore me throughout the week, just keep me close with you is more than enough. Falling in love is easy but being in love is way harder than I could ever imagine. Too much of sacrifice you gotta make to be in this love. I'm not complaining, I'm ready to do it with my heart and soul but when just this mistakes comes through, everything starts to fall apart. Wonder why my blog is always about the broken heart me and is always about love. I have been through this much in relationship. Does the whole mistakes came from me? I think it is. This time it's just different, I just can't let go anymore, if I did, I know I will break down into pieces and I will never find someone like him ever again. How I wish if I am stronger than this. How I wish if I can handle this whole pain and make things right. The way he is right now, makes me feels like I will never have a chance to make things right. I saw disappointment in his eyes. He used to trust me more than anything, now that I have broke his trust. How will I able to gain it back? I'm so clueless and my mind is blank like a paper. Knowing he is gonna have to ignore me, makes me step one step backward. How much I want to feel his warm hug and his kiss but seems like it's not going to happen tonight. How will I be right here for the whole week? I want to leave but will he come back to me if I really leave? I can't imagine and I don't want to picture the how the whole image is going to be! How I wish if he knows that this blog do exists and how I wish if he could read this. What will his reaction be if he read this blog? Will he hug me tight or will he still stay a distance from me? I really hate myself, I blame myself so badly since yesterday even in my sleep. If I could have one wish, I will wish that I could turn back time to where the mistakes begin. Unfortunately, this wish will never come true. If it does, everyone on earth will make mistakes freely and turn back back time most of the time. Sometimes, I ask myself, who am I? Who is Anabelle? Where does the sweet Anabelle go? This wasn't the same Anabelle when she was a kid. This wasn't the same Anabelle my mother give birth to. Sitting in this room all alone, I'm thinking to myself. I'm such a bad girl, am I even perfect enough for him? Does this relationship really going to last forever? Am I even suitable enough to be his future wife? The answer is I DON'T KNOW. I don't predict future. But I know very well that I love him more than I love myself, more than my friends, more than my family. My family have always been my first priority, and he always comes next. But where did the respect goes? Where does the respect I used to gave him goes? Where does sweet princess he used to know goes? He always told me that crying isn't going to solve anything, but right now I am crying so badly. Because I'm letting go of what I felt inside, deep inside my heart. I don't really care he is one year younger than me. I love for who he is. He showed the different side of love that no other man in my past relationship have. He gave me everything, he did everything just to see that smile on my face. He complete my world. But what did I make for him in return? Knowing there is nothing I can do to make him not to ignore me, kills me badly!! Just want you know that I will always be right here waiting. I know you still have that tiny feeling for me. With love we can always make it, I just can't imagine not having you by my side. May the God almighty see us through. And may we pass this test he have given us, AMEN .