Afternoon young world. I bet each and everyone of you are having a very hectic day either at high school or college. Well as for me I'm actually having a week off from my work place. I will be starting college, the new semester next year. I woke up this morning with a teary eyes, my eyes was half swollen. I have been crying since yesterday. I tried to think in way that sometime things happens for a reason. But then the thought of Rony have been ignoring me the whole nights, kills me deeply. Actually I have already stopped, as in quit smoking cigarette for a long while but then the pressure that I had last night makes me started it again. I know that this wasn't an excuse but cigarette makes me feels better for a while. Lord only knows how much he means to me. He have been there for me through the good times and bad times. I was just a lost girl before he met me, I was just a girl trying to get back up on my feet and juggling with both studies and work. But when he came into my life , he brings light, hope and love. He treat me like a queen, he is always there to advice me, always there to teach me right from wrong. But just one stupid mistakes I created, it just ruin up everything. How I wish if I could turn back time to where the mistakes begin, I would never do that and would never think of doing that. But we can't turn back time. It already happen, I understand that he needs some space and time. But by ignoring me to this extend, it kills me. It feels like a suicide. Why didn't he just took a gun and shoot me to death instead of torturing me like this? If he needed a time and space , why didn't tell me to leave? Me? Me staying here for a week and does that means he is gonna ignore me for the whole week? I think of leaving without letting him know but I am afraid to do so. I'm afraid if I'd just leave, he will never come back to me again. Have I been thinking too much? I don't even know. There are 6 tablets of panadol, I felt like taking them all but then what is the point of me committing suicide? It is not gonna fix anything . I'm now all alone at this house, nobody is around. How I wish if I have the guts to ask them housemate not to go anywhere but I just don't have the guts to do so. This all alone crap makes me think even more, makes me cry even harder and makes my heart ache even worse. Why do we need LOVE? What is the definition of LOVE in a man's perspective ? One question Rony asked me last night crush me down and breaks me into pieces. "Do you think we can last forever?" and before I could even answer his question, 4 words kills me deeply " I don't think so" . Hearing this 4 words coming out from his mouth are worse than a suicide. I understand that the chances he had been giving me and the tolerance that he have done , none of them other man will ever do it. Oh Lord, why makes me so stupid and blind to even think about creating this silly mistakes? I bring this to my own and now what can I do to get him back? Will I ever have him back in my life again or he will be gone forever? Oh Lord, I really need your advice and I need you to show me the way out , Oh Lord. I'm begging you with cross fingers and I'm down on bended knees. My heart can never take another heart break. One more heart break and it will kills me worse than a suicide. I don't know what to write anymore.
p/s : how i wish if I could u hug you so tightly and never let go of you Rony. You have the space and all the time you needed. Whatever happen and whatever your decision are, you have my full respect. There is just one thing I want you to know that I will never love someone else like I love you and you will always be my one and only. I gave up everything to GOD. I have been crying since yesterday. I have no appetite at all since yesterday. If only I have the guts to run to you and hug you tightly, but I just don't have the guts . And when I look at your eyes, it seems to ask me to leave. Rony, I love you and I will always do.
have a good evening everyone and god bless
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