Happy FriDay !

days without blogging is seriously killing me because it's the only way I can express what I have been through throughout my daily basis. I'm not a writer actually but hopefully someday I will :)
I will be moving to Fortune Park , Serdang tomorrow. It's college's accommodation by the way and the uni orientation starts on the 28th March. I just don't know why I registered to a college where people from my past are studying there. Deep down I know I don't know how to face them and don't know how will I be able to go through this struggle. But I don't care because all I wanted is to study hard and have a good results. I don't mind what those haters want to says behind my backs but I know one day they will stop. The ideas of making them stop is to study hard and get an award from the uni and automatically they will be surprised. Besides , they don't even know my real name. They know me as Joey Anabelle Gonzalez.

This world is just too hard for me to fit in , because all this years, all I'm trying to do is to fit in but not to know how to see through the things I have done and the consequences. I just hoped and prayed that nothing is gonna come through my way. After my ex left me, I have been struggle so much to get back up. Now that I back on track, I don't want anything to ruin this good thing up. I'm unlike before, I used to go out every single day and hang ou everyday. After I moved out from my ex's apartment, I started staying with my families. I have never been so much happy and a pocket full of joy before. I mastered the cooking skills from my auntie and baking skills from her.

Life is all about knowing who u want to be and take the past as an experience ! Never convict the same mistakes again. Earn the respect and trust if you want the same from the others. That's all for today :) have a blessed friday!

New Day Has Come :)

heyy there..is been like weeks but feels like ages since I updated this blogg. Feels good to be back here again :) Someone once told me that blogging are for someone that have no friends and are lonely in this earth. But from my point of view, I found blogging interesting, I don't mind that people are reading story related to my lifestyle, or things that are personal. I must admit that I truly have no friends. Is not that I trust nobody nor I have no friends, I do have friends but I don't tell them things like I wrote in this blogg :) Sometimes, writing is a better way to describe what you feel deep down because words can't describe better than writing :)

Ever since Mido break up with me and went out with other girl, I have move on. Is not that I'm gonna say I have a new boy-friend or something. No !! I'm still myself but I'm trying to stand on my own. I'm never gonna depend on the others no more. I want to be someone successful, in both studies and in work. I've told my close friend that I've got a CGPA of 3.8 in my studies, now that I have better way to prove that I own this result. I'm going back to college and continue studies. I'm still young, I had enough of years wondering outside and have enough of people hurting me and take me as a TOY !! I want to be someone that appears in TV shows someday and someday that people will speak my name. To achieve this, there are things that I need to sacrifices and there are things that I need to change.

These days, I spent my time reading this book written by JANE AUSTEN- A GUIDE TO DATING :) poeple might laugh at me as in why is she reading this kind of book since she have dated so much guys before. I admit that I have been dating plenty of guys throughout 2008. But sometimes I don't understood the reason why I failed in love. Why am I the one that end up being hurt by guy!! But there is one thing I have to say, this author really inspires me alot. One thing the author said is true are : TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT YOUR OWN BEHAVIOUR before you judge the other. If you want someone to respect you, you gain the respect by respect the people around you. Most of the people in this earth hate liars. What is going to happen if you just speak the truth? There is no problem of speaking the truth. People will respect you and be with you if you have the guts to speak the truth. Besides that, CHOOSE SOMEONE WHO BRINGS OUT THE BEST OF YOU, but DON'T BE FOOLED BY FLATTERY. Is so true, you can choose either a girl or guy to be with, choose the friend wisely. Don't take things for granted, want nothing in return but friendship. Treat them with care, love and understanding plus listening helps a-lot! The most important thing is LEARN TO TRUST YOURSELF and NEVER DOUBT YOUR FIRST INSTINCTS. Sometimes your instincts tell the right thing about a person. This usually happens when you first met a person. LEARN HOW TO CONTROL YOURSELF, don't chase after a guy, but let them come to you. Don't rush things up but take it slow.

Now my whole life have changed. Things weren't the same as before. I will be entering to college so soon and promises stick to the promises. I have promise my family that I will not fail in the semester . Left the past behind and moved on, never look back. For the past are always a great lesson to be learnt in order not to repeat the same mistakes again. I'm blessed with a great family and lovely poeple around me . There is nothing else I wanted but just to say Thank you GOD for your gift :)

Sad + Disappointed + Heart Broken !!

sitting in front of the laptop doing nothing but staring at 1 picture ! sometimes I'm wondering to myself why can't I get him out of my head. It was all fine before I went back to Malacca, the whole havoc stared to happen after I went back to Malacca. The moment I went back I lost my phone , then there comes a news from Najuu , one of my best girl friend. She told me that on her birthday , MIDO brought a girl to Chillis's for a dinner and then for a movie. Barnawi and Naju was with him and the girl that night itself. When Naju ask him where is Joey , he said don't talk about Joey. I felt like my world fall apart. I have never expect that he is going to do that to me . What have I done to deserved that ? I did nothing ever since I came back to Malacca. I swear I didn't know anything ! Right after I chat with Naju and she told me what happen , I called barnawi and asked him what is going on. He told me that Mido did that because I cheated on him, I went out with arab boys at Malacca. I was like oh my god , is a misunderstanding ! My mother bought me a blackberry bold 2 9300 , and it cost a-lot of money so my mother had to sold her mobile in order to get some money , i have like roughly a thousand over bugs. So with the money my mother got , I bought a blackberry. Then I was hungry after I purchase the mobile phone. I told my mother that I wanted to eat Arabian food. But my mother said there must have a arabian restaurant at this shopping mall, we were searching the whole shopping mall but we found nothing. Then we decided to go to the restaurant near MMU instead. When we reached there, the restaurant was freaking crowded and so freaking noisy. I was so happy till I took out the new phone and dial Mido's number. It was so noisy so I had to go out of the restaurant and talked. The first thing he asked me was where are you , I cant hear the word properly so I said home. Then he said your family speak arabic ! Before I can even explain and he switch off his phone ! I tried to call back many times but he ain't want to answer my calls. No reply from any of the messages I have sent to him and no return calls as well ! What I'm thinking at the moment was that maybe he is busy so I did not call back for like a few days then the next thing I know is Naju told me what he did !!

I was crying like a mad girl. Mama asked me why and what happen but I shuuuu her away and locked myself inside the room. I cried and cried and I did not eat anything for 3 days , just locked myself inside the room!! I just felt like my whole world is gone and I just can't believe that he is doing that to me !! What have I done to deserved all of this ? I know that I was a bad girl before but I have changed totally !! What else did he want from me ?! After 3 days crying, I sat myself on the bed, looking at the teddy bear he gave me for my 20 birthday. I'm thinking to myself , i cried for him , i miss him , i think about him all the time , i do anything for him , i can die for him , i can even kill myself with a knife in front of his eyes but can he do the same ? i bet he cant do the same ! After that I told myself , all this time , I'm the one that keeps running after him , no matter how many times he break up with me, i cant stop running after him and begged of him for another chance . Now that I know he went out with another girl, I don't want to waste my time anymore. I hate breaking up on the phone, if this time I really did wrong , come right in front of me and said GO FUCK URSELF !! but it wasn't my fault after all !! so u can't said that to me !! Now all I have to do is , I wanna study , that's why i begged my second auntie to help me to register at this college UCTI !! I wanna appeared in the TV shows someday. I know my capabilities and abilities. I know I can get a CGPA 3.8 !! I know myself better , I will do that and get the first class of honors like my sister once did then go to UK to further my studies. After that , I will see how is MIDO's reaction. And those who hate me after Mido told you the wrong stories about our relationship , I wanna see what are your reaction! From now , like once you told me baby boo, THINK LIKE A WOLF ! that's what I'm gonna be and besides that I wanna see how far you can go with that girl and I wanna see if she can love you like i do and treats you the way i do or the worst part SEX you like i do !

Malacca = Sadness !!

I went back to Malacca like 3 days ago.. Mido want me to go back home because he got finals coming soon and he doesn't want me to stay alone at home. He promised me that he will come to me at Malacca after his finals :) , He was supposed to come to meet me after he got back from Jakarta but he did not. He flight from Jakarta to KL was delayed and he reached here is KL at 2am !! I cried because I had my weekend without him and it's the first time ever A WEEKEND WITHOUT MY HONEY-BEAR !! No matter how hard I misses him, I gotta deal with it. I just have to be patience with him because he really have to concentrate in his upcoming exams and his GPA !!

I went back to Malacca on the Tuesday morning. Was waiting for a freaking cab like 15 minutes and then reached the bus station around 11 am. The bus station have moved from bukit jalil to bandar tasik selatan. I need to took another train to bandar tasik selatan. Buy a ticket and wooooooo on the way to Malacca. I misses my mother's cooking and the air I used to breathe at Malacca. I misses everything over there.

I lost my mobile on the Wednesday night when I was having a family dinner with my mother and the other relatives at a restaurant nearby our house. When we was about to leave the restaurant, I forgotten that I left my mobile on the table. The moment I reached home, I was looking for my mobile.Searching with tears and I remember that I left it on the table. I went back to the restaurant and asked the waiter and the waitress if they have found my mobile while they were cleaning the table. They told me NOPE !!!!

I went back home crying the whole night. There are so many things in the phone !!! My honey-bear's pictures and important contacts. All is gone!! My mother won't be getting me a new mobile because I keep on lost my mobile and she got financial problem, they can't be getting me a new phone every single day if I can't stop lost my phone !!! Argghhhh GOD !! How am I suppose to call MIDO after this ? I told mum my problem and I hope she would understand.Mum told me that I can used her mobile phone till I got a new one. I have been calling MIDO but he just don't pick up my calls. I know that he is very busy but please at least reply my text !! Unfortunately nothing!! I misses his voices and everything. This is just torturing but what else I can do ? I have to wait until he finish his finals and hopefully that he is gonna come to malacca for me !!

I just dont know what to write in this blog anymore. I dont know if the decision of coming back to malacca is right because being far from MIDO , i feel insecure. I dont know how to explain is not that i dont trust him, I trust him a 100 % but the thing is that is he really studying for finals or he just wanna be alone for a moment ? I just dont know. Waiting is torturing, but what else I can do other than waiting ? this whole month is just suddenly a happiness , suddenly teary , suddenly sadness , suddenly madness and suddenly sweetness !!! I just prayed the time can moved as fast as he could so that I can be with MIDO again.

BLACKBERRY DREAM :D

this is the BLACKBERRY i wanted so badly. I don't care, I'm going to persuade my mother to get one for me. It's only $138 if you purchase through maxis center by postpaid plan for a 24 month contract and subscribe to value plus plan if you are not a maxis user :D.. I want it , I want it , I want it !!! Mother said I have 2 choices , either a laptop or a BlackBerry. I would rather go for a BlackBerry. That doody laptop can wait for me another 1 or 2 years or maybe I can ask if my brother can get me a laptop :D *problem solve* heheheh ... ohhh I have been dreaming about it since the chinese new year. I don't care anymore , I will use my chinese new year money to get. I want the white color instead of the black one. Wait for me ok, just one more day and we will sleep together ok bb fon :D muahhhhhh....

Grenade - Bruno Mars - Lyrics on screen

Mario - How Do I Breathe

This song reveals our both memories from the first time we met until today. Whenever I listen to this song , all of the sweet romance come back fresh in my brain. The lyrics are so meaningful, as if is all talking about us. Without you by my side it really feels like I'm all alone because whenever I'm with you, I don't feels such way. Whoever that listens to this song will understands what I'm feeling right now. Someone used to said I don't know what LOVE is and the meaning of TRUE LOVE. Deep down my guts I know what LOVE is, because I have always wanted a fairy-tale ending love story and maybe because the way I love is different than any other girl. I don't know because it's just from my point of view :D about myself heheheh... anyways, enjoy this songs and lets refresh those past memories with love :)

Aggro Santos feat Kimberly Wyatt - Candy (Official Video)

Want some CANDY ? I can give you some.. :D ... love this song though , let's shake the booty on Tuesday night :D ... gotta talk to my mother, she was planning to go to vacation most probably this coming April. I wanna convince her to allow to go UNITED KINGDOM alone. I wanna go there so badly , anyone wanna come with me ? My sister been there before , she was there for further her studies few years ago at Cambridge University. She complete with first class of honor in LAW . S o proud of her actually. Cant wait to talk to mother about this vacation. Hopefully the dream come true and i bet there is someone wanna come with me :)

Changes and Disappointment but Happiness IN THE END :D

This whole February is like a dream come true in the beginning and there comes the great news of me getting in to the college finally. Me and honey-bear are more better than we ever used to. No more fights between us and I have changed to be a better person in a sense like there are no more lying between me and everybody including my families. Actually. what honey-bear told me before was so true, why should a person lies ? is so hard so come up with a lie because you just have to make sure that the lies doesn't being sense by anyone and you have to make a new stories each time. Why don't we just be honest with each other and with that you can sleep in peace. Aren't that better than anything? Me and honey-bear became more closer to each other than before. People around me understands how much I love this man and they can even feel our crazy and mad love hahhahaha.. i don't know because i was just saying hheheheh...

The disappointment is that, weeks ago, my auntie called me before my mom called me. They told me that they had to cancel my studies for a reason. We are facing a financial problems. My auntie is carrying a huge burden under her shoulder. My 3 mom's medication, our malacca's house bills, her kl's house bills and my sister school fees and her accommodation at Australia. My auntie is a housewife, the only person that works is my uncle. My auntie give me a suggestion if I could get a job and earn some salary and then she can help me to pay half the amount. The total of the business administration I'm taken is RM 18000 including the school fees , examination fees , registration fees. OMG !! When I heard those words from my auntie, I felt like my world is falling apart and the saddest part is that I have been expecting so much from them and in the end I've got nothing !! I told honey-bear everything and I started crying so badly. I've got no choice but to search for job and earn some salary for college. Is the only choice I've got but is ok , I'm all fine is all just a disappointment :)

The most happiness thing in my life is that after so many weeks being apart from my mother, I finally can get back home and spent some quality time with her :) Misses her cooking, her hug and her stupid jokes :D . Mother just got a sense of humor though :D. She is so old already, as a daughter I should spend more time with her before anything happens and I'm gonna regret my whole life just like I have regret after my grandmother pass away :( . I never get to see her the moment she closed her eyes because I was being locked up in rehab far from home :(. I just cant wait to get back home and see those familiar faces and home food :) And besides I'm gonna get a blackberry the moment I reach malacca :D !! yaaaay finally :)